I'm not a baby

I'm a Big Boy.

Yes indeed you are my sweetest.

Happy 4th Birthday Lucas.

I love You.x.x

Mummy.

6 years, too soon.

The years have gone too fast, it seems no time at all since you were a babe in my arms and now look at the little lady you are, six today.
Bookworm, friend, big sister, pouter, creative, smiler, tea drinker, cake baker, fearless climber, artist, sulker, animal lover, you are my wobbly toothed beautiful, amazing girl. The world is a greater place for you being in it, and I can't wait to see you grow into a great lady. Just not too fast.

Love you Maisie, my baby girl.

Lucas David Ryan-A birth story.

Today is my son Lucas' birthday, he has turned 3 or in his words "Big Boy now" and this is his birth story.

When I found out I was pregnant for the second time I was excited but also full of worry.  

However these are normal worries, and my pregnancy went great to start with, but it also felt completely different  I wasn't sick just felt it, I ached all over, felt grumpy and was exhausted constantly.  

I joked that I must be having a boy, as it was causing me trouble already.  

At my 20 week scan it turned out I was right.

We went through the usual processes at this time, thinking of names (I'm a One Tree Hill fan, shh don't tell Stuart), trying to explain to Maisie why Mummies tummy was getting bigger, trying to sell our house upon the realisation that a small 2 bed house maybe a tight squeeze(we managed there for another 3 years) and figuring out how money would stretch.

However another problem began that made these issues pale in comparison, at a routine midwife meeting at about 6 months they measured my bump as usual but it was coming up too big. I worried my baby would be huge as Maisie was no small potato at 9lb 60z , and your second is meant to be bigger.

I gave extra blood samples and was booked in for another appointment a week later. However at that appointment with a different midwife I measured small, very small. Much confusion followed, they got a second midwife to measure me, I was told to go for a walk and come back to do it all again, it was still small. 

The midwife took blood samples and I was booked in for a scan at hospital.

I was about 7 months pregnant when I had my next scan, it was lovely to see my little child on the screen again and to me he looked just fine, but no the hospital said he seemed too small, I was devastated and blamed myself, it must have been that glass of wine I had or not eating the right foods.

So many ways to blame yourself.

I was sent for a blood cord scan in the maternity unit a week later, where the midwife told me me everything was okay, and although my baby looked skinny he was in fact lanky and was looking grand and made me another appointment at scanning unit for 2 weeks later, told me not to worry and sent me on my way.

Ahh big sighs of relief, until at that scan I was told yet again that my baby was going to be small, I'd planned a home birth but was advised that I would be unsuitable as baby would probably need an incubator. They had no conclusions as to why he was small, I was still exhausted all the time (ahh you see it all so clearly in hindsight) but trying to eat right and rest even with another child to chase round. I was sent for another cord scan, cord and placenta was fine, midwife told me she didn't understand what they were talking about, yes my bump was measuring small but on the scan Lucas measured up fine. We were left not knowing what to believe. We had two different departments telling us two different things, and no one else to turn too.    

The consultants I saw recommended I was induced as they felt something was hindering his growth but couldn't figure out what, and he's grow better on the outside. His was the thing I dreaded yet again an other induction, a forced birth but this time with a baby that they said would be about 41/2-5 lbs max.

My induction went exactly as it did with Maisie, a long drawn out process to speed up a birth unnaturally, great fun, not. I did feel more in control this time though, and felt more confident to move birth positions. The whole process, started at 2pm was done by 8.30am the next morning.

I'm very grateful for my lovely midwife who knew I wanted out of hospital after the birth as quick as possible, so when I was in the last stage and completely lost it begging for pain relief just nipped my leg and told me I'd feel better, I did, I thought I'd had diamorphine. 

 Lucas was born 2 minutes later and I wasn't knocked out with drugs, I was wide awake and feeding what turned out to be a 6lb 11oz lanky boy, I wonder how big he would have been had he had 2 more weeks inside.

I really wished the midwife's years of experience was taken over the judgement of a consultant.  

I didn't care I had my beautiful baby, who was safe and well and I was introducing him to Maisie 3 hours later while having bacon butties at my in laws. Look at those skinny long legs.

 About 3months after his birth I went to my GP, I was still exhausted I know 2 children, family and home to deal with, but I just didn't feel right. She checked my notes and the first question she asked was what iron supplements are you taking? Well none I said, she disappeared into her notes again. Apparently the last tests taken at the midwife clinic showed I was very low in iron(the hospital had never received these results) but previous tests showed I was fine so they went on these results.  I was never asked for more. My levels were that low she was surprised I'd not been required to go to hospital, she was really shocked to find I'd given birth while that anaemic, she gave me iron tablets and felt grand and strong again in a matter of days.  I wish this problem had been sorted earlier, maybe I'd have had a whopper of a boy, maybe I'd have felt stronger and more positive in my post pregnancy period.
However I can't complain, look at my beautiful boy, he's amazing and I'm thankful he joined my family.

I love you Lucas.x.

From Mummy.

Not all pregnancy's have a happy outcome.  I was reminded of this when Stuarts cousin lost her unborn baby girl at 9months, the sadness of this event and the effect it will have on their lives is truly heartbreaking, nothing will ever make up for their missing child.

 However there are ways to support the families who go through this loss, Sands is a stillbirth and neonatal death charity, giving support to those affected by the death of a child, helping health professionals offer correct support and researching the causes of stillbirth.  

It gets no government support, relying on just donations to keep this amazing group going. 

Mia Giggle's page is here if you wish to donate http://www.justgiving.com/miagiggle

Thank you.x.

Wordless Wednesday: Maisie is Five.

I love you my baby girl

Mummy.x.

Maisie Simone Ryan- A birth story.

WARNING: This contains details of childbirth, if you're a bit squeamish do not read.

I've been blogging (well intermittently) for a few years now, about craft, food and mostly my family but I've never spoke about the start of their journey.  

Today is my daughters 5 birthday and I thought it fitting to start with her birth story, we knew already our baby was a girl as I found out at the 20week scan, and although we had some problems with very bad morning sickness(I lost 2 stone), and thinking I had gestational diabetes(she was just big) my pregnancy went without a hitch. 

We'd already choose her name, Maisie is a Scottish form of Margaret(Stu's Grandma's name) and Simone after my favourite singer Nina Simone. 

Then she just didn't turn up, my due date was May 1st, and it ticked past without a twinge, I was very big, tired and bored, I wanted to see my baby. 

I tried every urban myth in the book to get started, pineapple, sex, Castor Oil, hot currys but nothing.

So on May 13th I went in to be induced, now I have a hatred of hospitals and my worst nightmare was that I'd have to stay in, so having to be induced was not exactly part of my birth plan.

I was shown to the room, met my midwife who explained the process(eek) of induction using prostaglandin gel/tablet inserted into the cervix, and then when done it was back to waiting...and waiting...and waiting OMG where the hell was my baby? Three times I'd had the gel/tablet inserted, not slept all night as it gave me pains and backache(they gave me sleeping tablets which just made me feel weird but not sleepy) and was attached to a baby monitor recording her heart beat, in the morning I was only 2cm dilated, I nearly cried when she said that. 

It was now 11.30ish, they thought a drip with oxytocin may help the process,oh yes my other fear needles, hell what else could they throw at me? So feeling thoroughly prodded, poked, in pain and tired; they stuck a huge needle in my hand, and sent me off to have a lovely hot bath. Hubby went home to feed the cat, with orders to sneak a Burger King back in for me as I'd not eaten anything and let everyone know nothing had happened yet.

I was sat in the bath for 15minutes trying to ignore the hand pain and just relax, I remember chatting to my bump watching it move around, asking what was wrong with me? why don't you want to meet Mummy? 

Then I felt pain, not the achy stuff, I'd had previously but searing hot pain right down my spine, and causing stars in my eyes, I was very scared, it was so sudden I rang the bell. Nothing. Rang it again, and again. Tried to move, nothing but more white hot pain. 

I would like to say at this point I have no bad feelings towards the Midwives, they had 3 staff on call that night, 2 have to be present at each delivery and 18 babies were born that weekend.

You do the maths, and having heard of other experiences aboard I love our NHS.

One lady who was 9months pregnant, on going into labour went to A&E instead of maternity and ending up having her baby on the floor there, they tell you to go maternity for a reason,some babies are eager to get out.

So taking a deep breath I climbed out the bath, got my robe on and staggered back to the room, drip in tow.

Stu returned, with my Burger King, to find me curled up in a ball rocking and weeping on the floor(I think I told him to shove the burger) the midwife was behind him.  She discovered they'd put the drip up too high giving me a large dose of oxytocin, hence the pain and I'd gone from 2cm to 10cm in about half hour, thankfully then I got gas and air. I'd love to be one of these amazing people who give birth without drugs in fields etc, but I'm not we have pain medication, why not use it? 

All time is a bit hazy from this point, I remember asking to go on holiday to Whitehaven(must be the drugs),think I had a catheter, it being commented on how big a baby she was, tearing (alot) being cut and then, wow, a baby, my beautiful 9lb 6ozs amazing baby. 

They passed me my baby, Stu cut the cord and she was laid on my chest. She could lift her head up and opened her eyes, and latched on for her first feed. I refused to go to surgery to be stitched for my 4th degree tear(I'd have to stay overnight if I did)and demanded to go home as soon as I could, I think they got fed up of me moaning as they let me. 

Maisie Simone Ryan was born 3pm, and we home before 8pm I could not have been happier.

Not all pregnancy's and births end as well as mine. I was recently reminded of this when Stuarts cousin lost her unborn baby girl at 9months, the sadness of this event and the effect it will have on their lives is truly heartbreaking, nothing will ever make up for their missing child.

 However there are ways to help the families who go through this loss, Sands is a stillbirth and neonatal death charity, giving support to those affected by the death of a child, helping health professionals offer correct support and researching the causes of stillbirth.  

It gets no government support, relying on just donations to keep this amazing group going. 

My Sister in Law Claire Ryan is running a fabulous Charity Raffle with all proceeds being donated to Mias charity page where her parents are trying to raise £10,000 for Sands, please take time to donate to her page or buy a raffle ticket, it's for such a great cause.

Love Amanda.x.

Stop The Year I Want Off.

Oh blog how quickly I forget you, but not for petty reasons my friends, I'm currently working on my very own website to sell my handmade wares on. Although the Misi & Folksy sites are great at what they do & I won't be abandoning them, I feel ready now to have my own piece of the web. 
This is a sneak peek of my web banner with I created using Picnik editing software, I've ordered Moo cards & stickers as well to try & get the branding of the site connected.

The site is almost complete but the weather is knocking my product shots on the nose meaning that I may have to open it with less stock than I intended.


The other but more important distraction is the fact that my daughter Maisie turns 4 today, did you hear that FOUR, I really do want this year to slow down, I feel time slipping through my fingers & fading in a haze.
She starts school in September, & like any Mummy I'm worried about this major change in our home life, 
Maisie will of course breeze off without a care; as her ability to adapt to new situations amazes me each time something new is thrown her way, I hope this gift this one that grows as the challenges of life grow with her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my amazing girl.

Amanda.x.

The passage of time.

I can't really believe my little girl is 3 today, growing so fast & becoming her own person, I can see glimses of the future adult she could be & I like it.
Oh, and she loves her new skateboard.